Chanel, Dior, Santa?
Staff Writer Dan Odom

Let’s face it: Santa Claus is no style icon. Sure, the man is a world-renowned cosmopolitan and an overqualified jet setter, but despite his jolly disposition and frequent flyer miles, the big man in red is just not as fashionably fabulous as he could be. Here are a few tips on how to turn Jolly Old Saint Nick into a holiday fashion icon.

His Hat:
The drab night cap has got to go. Yes, it’s cute, but when you wear a hat that looks like a windsock with a lucky rabbit tail at the end of it, something is wrong. Instead of the nightcap, try a nice fedora or a chapeau.

His Body:
Now, I’m all for curves, big guy. No one wants to see you become a toothpick; after all, Christmas without the fat man just wouldn’t be the same, but when you’re mistaken for the wooly Kool-Aid man, you shouldn’t take it as a compliment – but as a cry for help. Here’s the number you can call to get some help: 1-800-JENNY.

His Bag:
I know you’re a bit older, Santa, and a change in habit can hurt your gentle, but senile mind. Nevertheless, it is the 21 century and no style maven would ever be caught dead with the same drab canvas bag for more than three seasons. Let’s consider a messenger bag upgrade, shall we?

His Facial Hair:
Grizzle is out. Coiffed is in!

His Suit:
Santa, red is an accent color. While I adore cranberry, rouge, maroon and cherry shades that give my outfit a little personality, adorning yourself in an entire homemade red suit just makes you look like an over-ripened tomato. You only work one night out of the year, don’t you think you should be a bit dressed up for the occasion? Next time, lose the suit and go with a nice fitted red-pinstriped suit.

His Gloves:
Felt should never be used for lifting or steering any object whatsoever. Can you say, “chaffing?” I suggest some traditional leather and suede to give you both maximum comfort and styling.
           
His Boots:
Listen fat man, the elves are in construction, not you. Get a loafer.