How To Get Straight A’s

Some people think that in order to get good grades in college, one must spend 30 to 40 hours studying each week. In reality, there are many ways to get the same results with a lot less effort. Here are 10 ways to be a fantastic student with a minimal workload:

1. Smile in class. The teacher will think that you are enjoying her lecture. This may require work; just think about other pleasant topics, like what you will be doing this weekend with the time you used to spend studying.

2. Bring your teacher a candy bar (nobody wants an apple) and say something like, “Sweets for the sweet” when you give it to her.

3. If you don’t know the answer, be sloppy when you write but write a lot. You may get partial credit if the teacher thinks you know what you are doing.

4. If you get a bad grade, ask for an opportunity for a retest. Compare your plight to that of the financial and auto industries, noting that they are getting bailouts. It’s the American way. Before she can say no, add, “You are patriotic, aren’t you?” She won’t be able to turn you down because no professor wants to have a reputation as a bad American.

5. If you get a good grade, give your teacher credit. Say something like, “I think I really get this stuff. Thanks for doing such a good job explaining such complex concepts in simple terms.” Tell her this even though you know it was your textbook that really taught you the material.

6. Nominate your teacher for “Professor of the Year.” Better yet, start a petition and get other students to sign it and let your teacher know about your efforts. It’s best to give this a lot of visibility, so ask your teacher if you can make an announcement in class. Then announce what you are doing and invite others to join you. They will feel pressure to sign up with the teacher watching.

7. Some experts say to sit in the front of the class. Sit in the back so you can doodle. The teacher will think you are taking notes and paying close attention.

8. Raise your hand every time your professor asks a question even if you don’t know the answer. Timing is imperative on this one, however. You must raise it after a few classmates have already raised their hands, just as the professor has decided on whom to call. This makes you seem like the smart one in the class, but avoids actually answering the questions.

9. Skim the section of a chapter that is due a little later in the month. Ask your professor a question about a topic in that chapter and say you just couldn’t resist reading ahead.

10. Invite your professor to an expensive restaurant, your treat. Don’t worry. They won’t be able to take you up on it because of ethical reasons, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Following these tips may get you two things: good grades in your classes and hate from other students for being a suck-up. Don’t worry about the latter because they will soon realize you are the smart one in the class for doing what you have to in order to get a good grade.