Technology gods: One man’s personal battle
By Brandon T. Minister, Staff Writer The technology gods hate me. Somewhere, I offended their sensibilities, and ever since the deities of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have cursed me to a Luddite hell, where every piece of electronic equipment malfunctions straight out of the box. Customer support is provided by the departed souls of cavemen who insist the only way to cure my Blue Screen of Death is to bury alive a kinsman in peat. Where did I go wrong with the gods? I’m not sure, but it might have been in 1995 when I declared the Internet to be “sort of worthless.” Since that day, my fate has been sealed. Items I buy routinely become obsolete while I cross the store parking lot back to my car. Clamshell packaging severs my fingers. User instructions appear in every language except English, including Slovenian and Slovakian. Required battery sizes are obscure, or occasionally non-existent, like the single-A or B batteries. Proof of my cursedness can be found in the situations where electronics don’t fail. When my daughter was a newborn, she had a toy which needed only to be moved to play the opening notes of “Shave and a Haircut” […]
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