There is something very important that needs to be discussed: television. Okay, so it’s not very important, but I’d say it’s at least moderately important. I mean, who doesn’t watch at least some TV? What we need to talk about is the fact that the quality of television in recent days has plummeted. For proof, let’s think about the most recent TV shows to make their debut.
On CBS: first and foremost, “Rob,” featuring Rob Schneider. I am at a loss for words right now. Any show starring Rob Schneider is bound to be an utter disaster, much less one named after him and built entirely for him. Why was it necessary to create such a miserable excuse for a television show?
As if “Rob” isn’t enough, another terrible show has recently been released: the “Napoleon Dynamite” animated series. Aired on Fox (shocker), the show is based on the 2004 movie. Now, the thing about this show is that it is written by Mike Scully – you know, that guy who wrote “The Simpsons” and “Everybody Loves Raymond.” So it actually has the potential to be good. Just kidding! Let’s get real; it is 100 percent repetitive, filled with bad jokes, and relatively close to an overall nightmare. Oh, is Tina a fat lard? Do you love “ligers”, Napoleon? Is your best friend named Pedro? Thank God there’s a show to illustrate these fascinating facts, since I’m sure none of us were aware until now. Luckily for us, the show will only be airing for a few short weeks.
Now let’s talk about those shows that outlived their entertainment factor years ago and should have long been cancelled. Take “American Idol.” We are now on season 11 of this show. Why, God, why? I mean really, there aren’t even any good horrible contestants this time around. Where are all the talentless losers for us to laugh at? Oh, that’s righ. They were exhausted during seasons one through nine. Now that they’re gone, there is literally no reason for this show to still exist.
In case you didn’t stop watching “NCIS” in ninth grade like everyone else, there’s a fun new show for you, too! It’s called “NCIS: Los Angeles,” and it’s just as mediocre as the original. There is great debate over whether or not it’s as poor quality as “CSI: Miami.” I believe the general consensus is that “NCIS: LA” is a half notch above any show starring David Caruso, so at least there’s that.
Let’s continue onto another show that every normal person got bored with around his or her freshman year of high school: “Fear Factor.” Yes, it’s back for season seven. Joe Rogan, everyone’s favorite host, is still the commanding officer of the show, which features poor-quality contestants, unimpressive stunts and the classic consumption of revolting substances. Really, there are only so many types of bugs in the world. And after a while, there’s just no shock factor attached to seeing a person cram maggots in his face. It epitomizes poorly thought-out criteria merely to fill a void in a station’s program sequence.
Oh, and don’t worry, everyone. “Two and a Half Men” is still on and it’s still as horrible as ever. But wait, there’s added fun this time around. Now that Charlie Sheen is gone, guess who got to replace him. Please, just guess. Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s Ashton Kutcher. So basically the producers are just trading one washed-up, burned-out actor for another. Excellent choice.
What happened to the days of “Deadwood,” “Friends” and “Freaks and Geeks?” To be fair, there are still good shows on TV. “Dexter,” “How I Met Your Mother” and “Criminal Minds” still deliver quality television. But some of the best shows are rapidly going downhill, and producers are just grasping at straws. If there is ever another show as incredible and successful as “The Honeymooners,” House” or “Lost,” the world will officially be back on track. Dare to dream.
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